


The Most Obnoxious Customer

by Books_Tea_Fandoms



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Annoying Customer Kylo, Barista!Hux, Fluff, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Silly Arguments, coffee shop AU, kylux fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-26 05:56:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7562956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Books_Tea_Fandoms/pseuds/Books_Tea_Fandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armitage Hux is the ideal Barista: always on time, always makes coffee just how the customer orders, always does what he's told to by the manager Phasma.<br/>But there's one customer that always brings him to the edge.<br/>Kylo Ren.<br/>It's almost as if he's doing it deliberately...<br/>(It's fluff, again.)<br/>I don't know how long this is going to be, but it will be broken up into fairly short chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an AU from Tumblr (I got permission to use it don't worry)  
> (http://kyloripped.tumblr.com/post/147761819178/kylux-coffee-shop-au)

The Starbucks that Armitage Hux worked in was small, in the middle of a small town in the middle of nowhere in particular. Its manager, Phasma (as they all called her for some reason lost to time), liked to keep it running like a well-oiled machine, and they were one of the few Starbucks stores that hadn't yet run out of coconut water as a result of that pink coconut water drink that everyone insisted on buying for some bizarre reason. _That_ was how organised and on top of it all Phasma was.  
There were only three people working there: Phasma, Armitage, and Dopheld Mitaka, who was a fellow barista with a bleak outlook. He was friendly enough, but still kept himself mostly to himself. Because of them being short-staffed, the peak times were unendurable at the best of times. At the worst? Well, it was comparable to being dragged head-first into hell.  
The worst times were generally caused by one of the blacklist coming in. It wasn't really a blacklist- these people weren't banned from the shop or anything, but they were known as the most obnoxious customers the town had to offer. At the top of that list, circled ten or so times in red pen and written in all-capitals, was the name Kylo Ren, who was the worst of the worst, notorious for breaking all of the unwritten rules that existed within the space of a coffee shop, and it always fell to Hux (who would never go by Armitage even if his life depended on it).  
He always came between 12:15 and 12:30, and Mitaka and Phasma always, without fail, managed to occupy themselves. Today, Phasma was 'checking stock' in the back, and Mitaka was cleaning out the coffee grinder. One person had to always be available at the counter to take orders for people, and it was him. Again.  
"Please, Mitaka, I'll do anything, I-"  
"No."  
"Please!" He begged. The door opened. Hux swore multiples time under his breath. "Why is it always me?" He whispered to Mitaka, who laughed.  
"Hux! Nice to see you!" Kylo sauntered over to him, leaning on the counter.  
"What would you like today?"  
"Hmm, let's think." Kylo spent four minutes looking at the menu, which he didn't think of doing before he'd come up, which was especially irritating to the line of customers building up behind him. Just as Hux opened his mouth, Kylo spoke again. "I know what I want." He paused again. Hux huffed.  
"What do you want?"  
"I would like a quad shot espresso." Hux turned to go make it. "But decaf." He stopped in his tracks, wheeled around, and looked Kylo in the eye. "And with one and half packets of Splenda." Hux visibly twitched with anger.  
"You want a decaf quad shot espresso with one and a half packets of Splenda?" He spat back over the din.  
"Yes, and make it quickly. I have a meeting in a couple of minutes." Hux turned around, went over to the coffee machine, and started to make it.  
"What did he ask for this time?" Mitaka asked, laughing a little.  
"Shut up." He replied. Once he'd finished the drink, he gave it to Kylo, who paid him with no tip, and walked out without another word. The next customer, a gentle old lady who regularly came for tea, reached the counter.  
"Armitage, do not be angry at him. He is young, and foolish, and there is a chance he is doing this to aggravate you."  
"You think?" Hux replied sarcastically.  
"Be calm, Armitage." She was the only person who was allowed to call him that, mainly because she offered useful pieces of advice, and tipped generously. He took a deep breath and sighed.  
"Alright. What would you like today, Ms Kanata?"  
"I've told you, Armitage, you can call me Maz. But I would like a pot of green tea. I'll sitting in my normal seat." She gave him a smile, which he returned. He boiled the water and poured it in with the teabags, but could get no further when Mitaka tapped him on the shoulder.  
"You've got a dissatisfied customer." Hux knew, even before he turned around, that it would be Kylo.  
"I think you put two packets of Splenda in my drink." Kylo held out the coffee cup, which was empty.  
"I put one and a half in, like you said."  
"Are you sure?" Hux turned around, picked up the half-empty Splenda packet, and put it in Kylo's hand.  
"Yes."  
"OK." Kylo replied, with an annoying tone of voice. He took the packet and left. Hux took a few deep breaths and finished making the tea, which he brought to Maz.  
"Thank you, Armitage."  
"It's nothing, Ms Kanata."  
"Maz." She insisted.  
"Sorry." Hux went back to behind the counter and served a couple more customers. His shift seemed to drag on longer than usual, but he made it through. When they were cleaning up (Hux was on mopping duty, _again_ ) Mitaka started laughing. "What?"  
"Quad shot espresso with one and a half packets of Splenda?"  
"Don't, please, I've had enough trauma for today."  
"Is that what he ordered?" Phasma asked.  
"Yes."  
"How do you even make that?"  
"With my tears." Hux complained.  
"How do you even come up with the idea for that?"  
"He spent four minutes at the front of the line trying to decide what to buy."  
"What an asshole." Mitaka was still laughing.  
"I think he's just doing it to annoy me by this point."  
"Sure..." Phasma smirked.  
"What?"  
"Are you sure he's not hitting on you?"  
"Hitti- no! Don't be absurd!" Hux went back to his mopping, with twice the ferocity of before.  
"When are you going to get your revenge on him?" Mitaka asked between giggles.  
"What can I do without getting fired?" He asked.  
"We have some ideas." Phasma replied. And so, whilst they were cleaning up, they started forming some kind of revenge plan.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time that their next shift started, Hux, Mitaka, and Phasma had come up with something. It wasn't a plan: more like 50% of a plan, but that didn't matter. The first phase of the plan was for Hux to be able to not serve Kylo if he hadn't got anything to annoy Kylo with. This was something that Hux agreed to without a second thought, obviously. The next phase was to just come up with small and insignificant ways of irritating him, some that would irritate him more than others.  
The only problem with this was that they still hadn't come up with any ways to annoy him yet.  
Because of this, when it came around to the usual time, Hux was working in the back, checking stock for putting in the next order. Mitaka was working the counter when Kylo walked in. The tables were all full, but there was nobody in line, so he walked straight up.  
"Welcome to Starbucks, how may I help you?" Mitaka asked. Kylo looked at him and quirked an eyebrow. "Sir?" He asked after an unreasonable awkward silence.  
"Where's gingerbread? Is he in today?"  
"Do you mean Hux, sir?" Mitaka was trying to keep a straight face, but knew that Hux would hate the nickname beyond comprehension.  
"Yeah. Is he not in today?"  
"He's in the back. He's busy."  
"I can wait."  
"He's not going to be done for a while."  
"I'm waiting." He replied. Mitaka huffed, knowing he wasn't going to go away. He really wasn't. He was just one of _those_ people.  
"I'll get him." He walked through to the back. "Hux?"  
"Yes?"  
"He's here."  
"I still don't have a plan. You have to serve him."  
"He's refused to do anything unless you serve him."  
"I'm still not going to-"  
"He called you gingerbread." Hux took a deep breath in and marched out, leaving Mitaka to fall into a hysterical fit of laughing in the stockroom.  
"Gingerbread!" Kylo smiled. Hux gritted his teeth.  
"How may I help?"  
"I'd like a double dry cappuccino with soy milk instead of regular milk."  
"You what?"  
"A double dry soy cappuccino." He smirked at Hux's steadily more angry expression. "Please." Hux turned around to make the drink.  
"Arsehole." He muttered, loud enough for only himself to hear. He finished making it, and Kylo was standing a little way off, scrolling through his phone. Hux saw an opportunity and took it. He took out his pen, scribbled a name on the cup, and called it out. "I have a double dry soy cappuccino for Kylie Jenner?" Kylo turned around.  
"I'm impressed, Strawberry Shortcake." Kylo looked down at Hux.  
"You're not."  
"I am. You did something original! Congratulations."  
"You're welcome." Hux looked at him, in a single look telling him to get lost. He went back to the store room.  
"How was it?" Mitaka asked.  
"Double dry cappuccino with soy milk. You owe me."  
"Sure, but what did he say?"  
"He called me Strawberry Shortcake." Mitaka laughed until his face was red.  
"Did you take revenge?" He managed to cough out.  
"It wasn't any good, but-"  
"No no no just tell me!"  
"I wrote Kylie Jenner on his cup." Mitaka lost it again.  
"I swear- you guys- it's literally the best part about working here." Hux looked through the window and into the shop. Kylo couldn't be seen, so he returned to the shop floor to serve a teenage customer, who (naturally) wanted whatever was trending on social media. He'd gotten good at making those, so it was a breeze. When she left, Hux noticed someone sitting in the corner of the room. This person just happened to be the only person who had ever ordered a double dry soy cappuccino.  
"What the hell." He muttered. Not only was Kylo still here, he was also talking to Maz Kanata. As nice a lady as she was, he knew that this always spelled trouble. Kylo was smiling gently, listening intently to what she had to say. They talked for another fifteen minutes or so, which agitated Hux, especially since not a single customer came in to be served in that time. He tried not to stare angrily, and succeeded for the most part. The first to leave was Maz, who returned her teapot to Hux (she'd been there since before the rush, and had finally decided it was time to leave), unusually not saying even a word to him. This confused him, but he put it to the back of his mind regardless.  
Kylo stayed a long while longer, every so often sipping at his coffee. He didn't seem to like it very much, even though he'd gone to so much trouble to order it and have it made by a certain person. Hux had another idea when Kylo's phone started to ring. Kylo sat back in his chair, and looked around. When his eyes reached the counter, he and Hux locked eyes for a good thirty seconds before Hux turned around and switched on the coffee grinder. The noise would be loud enough to prevent Kylo from having a proper phone call, so either he would have to leave or hang up his phone. Unfortunately, he did the latter. When Hux turned around after the grinder had run its cycle, Kylo was leaning on the counter, grinning. Hux looked bitterly down his nose at him.  
"It seems you won this round, gingerbread."  
"Please stop calling me gingerbread."  
"Don't like my nicknames? Fine, I'll just call you Armitage."  
"You know I don't like that either."  
"Maz calls you that."  
"Maz? How-"  
"Irrelevant. What am I allowed to call you?"  
"Hux. You knew that. Hux."  
"Hux." He repeated. He paused for a moment, and then snapped back to reality. He turned around without so much as another word, and left, leaving his coffee cup in the corner.  
Later on, after Mitaka had explained the whole thing to Phasma (who also couldn't stop laughing), Hux picked up the cup, and stared at it for a while.  
"Hux, stop being weird, what's on your mind?" Phasma asked.  
"Nothing."  
"Liar. Come on, tell us. You know it's never going to leave this room."  
"It's just- he asked me what I would like him to call me, and genuinely seemed to care. He also said Maz calls me Armitage, which is fine, but how would he know that unless they talked about me?"  
"I don't see why you shouldn't go on a date with him." Phasma replied.  
"Because he's a sadistic git who likes to watch me suffer."  
"Yeah, but he's totally shredded."  
"It doesn't make him any better as a person."  
"Bet he's-"  
"Whatever you're going to say, stop." Phasma grinned at Hux, who rolled his eyes.  
"I told Maz I thought he was shredded."  
"What else did you say?" He demanded.  
"Nothing, I swear." Phasma held her hands up in mock fear. They put the cleaning stuff away, and locked up. They all went their separate directions, but before that, Mitaka called back to Hux.  
"See ya tomorrow, Strawberry Shortcake!"


	3. Chapter 3

"He's definitely ripped, you just don't want to admit that I'm right." Phasma declared. Mitaka hopped from foot to foot, anxiously watching Phasma and Hux arguing.  
"He looks like he weighs 30 pounds dripping wet."  
"Liar."  
"I'm not lying! He's a skinny punk who doesn't even like coffee and just wants to make my life miserable!"  
"You know he's ripped! You're such an idiot. Hux!"  
"Um, guys, I hate to interrupt, but you're being kind of loud."  
"Mitaka, this isn't the time-"  
"Literally everyone in the shop is listening in." Hux and Phasma looked around. It was true- it was clear everyone was listening. Hux went a bit red. Phasma just laughed.  
"We'll continue this later." Phasma smirked.  
"No we won't." Hux shot back, going to serve a customer.  
Hux kept himself as busy as possible, trying to avoid talking to Phasma. Unfortunately, he completely forgot that 12:15 was something that happened every day, and that Kylo Ren came here everyday.  
"Armie! Nice to see you!" Hux looked up at him, with a bit of a sneer. "Sorry. Hux, I know." Hux's sneer dropped and he looked surprised. "Well, are you gonna ask me what you want or keep staring? I don't mind you staring, but I'd also like a drink."  
"What would you like, sir?"  
"Call me Kylo." He winked.  
"Wha- What would you like?" Hux stuttered.  
"Can I have a Grande Iced sugar-free vanilla latte with soy milk?" Hux sighed with despair.  
"Fine." He huffed. Kylo smiled.  
"I like your hat. It's cute." Hux couldn't help it, but he started blushing furiously. "I'll be sitting over there." He walked over to his corner seat and sat down, after leaving exact change on the counter. Hux made the drink, which was fiddly and took a long time, and he'd managed to stop his face from being so red by leaning into the freezer multiple times. He put the drink down on a tray, and carried it over to Kylo. He nearly made it, had it not been for Phasma, who thought it would be hilarious to stick her leg out under his feet. Hux tripped over her leg, and the drink flew straight into Kylo, hitting him in the shoulder. He looked over to Hux, wiping splashes from his face.  
"Sorry." Hux flushed bright red again, completely dumbstruck. He froze over, not knowing what to do.  
"I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that my drink is supposed to go on the table."  
"S- Sorry." I'll go get some napkins. He ran back behind the counter, trying to find a roll of paper towels. He could hear Phasma and Mitaka howling with laughter in the back. He found the roll of paper towels under the counter, and when he popped up, he saw Maz.  
"Armitage, Phasma was right, no?"  
"About what?"  
"Kylo Ren is ripped." She laughed, and Hux ducked back under the counter, not even wanting to know how she knew. Phasma came back, red-faced, and served Maz. Hux scuttled out of the way and went over to Kylo.  
Phasma was right. Kylo Ren was ripped, and he knew this now because instead of waiting for paper towels, he had taken his shirt off.  
"Sir, we have a policy in the shop-"  
"That customers need to be wearing a shirt. I know. But that's to get served. It's a bit different when you've made me all wet." Hux knew this was deliberate, and if it was possible for him to go any redder, it happened just then. Hux, with slightly shaky hands, offered him the roll of paper towels. Kylo smirked, and shook his head, wringing his shirt out and pulling it back over his head. "Come over here."  
"I-"  
"Don't argue with me." Hux took a timid step forwards. He was never this unprofessional, and was internally cursing himself for this. Kylo stood up, uncomfortably close. Hux felt his heart beating far too fast. Kylo placed his hands on the paper towel roll, barely brushing Hux's hands. "I'm going to make a deal with you. I won't make a complaint to your manager, if you do one thing for me." Hux desperately didn't want to get complained, about so he listened. He could feel Kylo's breath on his face, he was so close.  
"Wh-" Hux trailed off. Kylo smirked again.  
"What time do you get off work?" Hux murmured his answer, unable to talk properly. "See you then." Kylo pinched Hux's cheek gently, and left. He could vaguely hear Phasma and Mitaka applauding. Hux still couldn't move, completely bright red. Was this really happening?  
He barely made it through the rest of the day.  
When he'd finished his shift and changed out of his uniform, as he did every day, he got the cleaning things out. Phasma, however, took them straight out of his hands.  
"Not tonight." They heard a knock on the glass door, and Hux whipped around. Kylo opened the door, and walked in. He looked Hux over, and smiled.  
"Let's go. Something a little stronger than coffee, I think?"  
"Yes please." Kylo held the door open for Hux and they left, and that was all that Phasma and Mitaka saw or heard of them for that evening.  
"How did Kylo know Hux was gay?" Mitaka asked.  
"I told him."  
"Of course you did." He laughed.  
The next morning, Hux ran in, red-faced, out of breath, and with scruffy hair: three things that never happened. One other thing that didn't usually happen was that he was late.  
For the first time in his life, Armitage Hux was late for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I felt like it would be good to end the story there, but I feel that when he ran in, the situation unfolded as follows:  
> "Hux, you're late!"  
> "I know, Phasma, I'm sorry!"  
> "Why were you late?"  
> "I was doing stuff."  
> *Kylo walks in, even though it's not 12:15.*  
> "I'm stuff." He says.
> 
>  
> 
> ...anyway, I hoped you liked the story!  
> ^_^


End file.
